10 Feb Bitterness in Marriage
Today’s Devotion – BITTERNESS IN MARRIAGE
Bitterness in marriage might catch you off guard, which is why today’s devotion is all about helping you recognize and drive out this unwanted enemy of your marriage.
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of bitterness? Is it bitterness in marriage? Perhaps it’s something that happened during your childhood. Or maybe you’re reminded of biting into a piece of candy, only to be surprised by an unexpected bitterness that the packaging didn’t warn you about. Whatever came to mind, it likely wasn’t pleasant or enjoyable—unless you’re someone who genuinely enjoys bitter experiences, which most people don’t.
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Bitterness is something that we all, for the most part, try to escape from as much as possible. It’s not sweet nor appetizing so, there is no attraction that draws us to the things that are bitter. Once we encounter bitterness for the first time, we usually don’t rush back to it because of our lack of desire for it. Since this is the case, why is bitterness in marriage such a thing? Why don’t we turn our backs on it as we do with the other things in life that are bitter. The answer to this question should be no surprise, seeing that we all can have bitterness in marriage every now and then.
When we are the ones harboring bitterness in our marriages—no matter the reason—it often feels acceptable. Not only does it feel acceptable, but it can also seem justifiable and, at times, even comforting to those of us who have carried this poison in our hearts toward our spouse and marriage. This is why we don’t reject bitterness as quickly as we did when encountering the bitter experiences mentioned earlier in today’s devotion.
Bitterness in marriage can become part of who we are. When we allow ourselves to dwell on the incidents that have hurt us, bitterness transforms into a trusted friend and close confidant. We start to embrace it, even weaponizing it to reprimand our spouses for the wrongs they’ve done—the very wrongs that sparked our bitterness in the first place. We convince ourselves that our bitterness protects us, sending a message to our spouse that we’ve had enough and won’t tolerate any more.
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Bitterness in marriage is much like the bitter things in life—it primarily affects the person experiencing it, as the source of bitterness has already been consumed by its nature. When you become bitter in your marriage, you often don’t realize it until it’s too late. By then, bitterness has overtaken you, and its effects are as toxic as the bitter things in life that we instinctively avoid. You may not recognize it until someone points it out, but your bitterness could be rampaging through your marriage, showing up in almost everything you say and do. Do you really want to remain bitter in your marriage, causing the opposite of the results you desire?
Bitterness in marriage blinds us to believe that our disruptive behavior will bring about a change in our spouse when they see how unpleasant our disposition is towards them. We think that our bitterness is saying to our spouse, “I love you, you did me wrong, I need you to change, and apologize for how awful you have treated me”. But in reality, unless God allows our spouse to see differently, our bitterness is saying to our spouse “I hate you, I don’t love you anymore, you are the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and that is the least that your spouse will pick up from how your bitterness is telling you to treat them.
In some cases, you might not even realize that you are bitter, attributing your constant bickering and back-and-forth arguments to something other than bitterness in marriage. Examples of bitterness in marriage include, but are not limited to, feeling disconnected from your spouse, harboring ill feelings toward your spouse without understanding why, being less inclined to engage in mental or sexual intimacy with your spouse, and spending more time with other loved ones than with your spouse. If you recognize bitterness in your marriage, it’s time to confess and forgive. Continuing to harbor bitterness will not heal your marriage; instead, it will slowly destroy it—much like an unwatched pot of water on a hot stove. The heat will gradually evaporate the water until the pot begins to burn at a rapid pace, only stopping when someone finally notices.
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What’s meant to help your marriage is now tearing your marriage apart. Conflict when handled wrongly will produce bad results, in which one of them is bitterness in marriage. To avoid this, resolve the conflicts of your marriage withing 24 to 48hrs, and as you get better at this close the window even more to the shortest span possible. If you are unable to do this, get help the very moment that you realize your conflicts are not being resolved in a healthy manner, which is what allows bitterness to creep in.
Key Marriage Scriptures for today’s devotion:
Proverbs 20:22, Mark 11:25, Romans 12:2, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13, & Hebrews 12:14-15
If, while reading today’s devotion, you’ve recognized and acknowledged bitterness in your marriage, start with prayer and meditation. Write down the things God reveals to you that have caused this bitterness to take root. Once you’ve done this, ask God to help you forgive your spouse. If necessary, share with your spouse the actions or situations that have contributed to your bitterness. Apologize, forgive, and move forward toward a healthy and holy marriage, with God at the center—not bitterness and anger.
If you realize that your actions or inactions have caused your spouse to become bitter, take responsibility and approach the situation with humility. Pray and ask God to reveal areas where you may have fallen short and for the strength to make amends. Openly acknowledge your mistakes to your spouse, express genuine remorse, and ask for their forgiveness. Be patient and committed to demonstrating love, respect, and care through your actions, showing them that you value the health of your marriage and are working toward restoration. Healing begins when both spouses work together to address bitterness and rebuild their relationship.
To dive deeper into this topic, consider reading Lou Priolo’s powerful book, Bitterness: The Root That Pollutes. This insightful resource explores the dangers of bitterness and offers practical, biblical guidance for uprooting it from your life. Order your copy today and take the next step toward healing and restoration in your marriage.
We are here to help. We offer online Christian Marriage Counseling to support you and your spouse in overcoming bitterness in marriage. Our goal is to help you understand and live out God’s plan for marriage so you can build a Christ-centered union that you can truly enjoy. Don’t wait to take the next step toward healing—reach out today and begin the journey toward a stronger, healthier, and more God-honoring marriage.
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