When your spouse has finally detached themselves from their pride in an effort to make a needed apology to you, your assignment is to not make them regret that they made the right choice to apologize to you, instead of allowing the tension to continue to build up in your marriage between the two of you. Right now, you may be asking yourself, how is it that you make your spouse regret that they apologized to you?This happens when you give your spouse the indication, by your actions, that you are unpleased with them, their apology, or maybe both.

I am sure that whatever your spouse did that caused them to have to make an apology to you, actually hurt you, but don’t let your hurt continue to damage your marriage. Instead of giving your spouse the evil eye, grunting at them, or reprimanding them for the actions that triggered the apology, I suggest you take the following actions into consideration, that I believe will lead to a more peaceable outcome between you and your spouse. That is what you are looking for, isn’t it?


  1. Accept your spouse’s apology. Right then and there as your spouse is making their apology and you feel your emotions rising up within you, pray and ask God to give you the ability to accept your spouse’s apology in a respectful manner. This won’t be easy, especially if your hurt is deep, so prepare yourself for that moment to happen by asking God, right now, to give you the ability ahead of time to react in a way that will bring peace to your marriage.

  2. Disclose your hurt. This is not the time to unleash your fury, but a time, according to Pamela Lipe MS, LP, to gently explain to your spouse how you were affected by their actions. You can use words like, what you did really hurt me, or when you said what you said, it made me feel as though you didn’t love me anymore. The idea is to connect what was done to how it has affected you, which should lead your spouse to a better understanding of how their actions distressed you.

  3. Explore. After you have prayed, calmed down from your elevated emotional state, and explained to your spouse how you were affected by what they did, now would be a good time to talk with your spouse about how you two can prevent the incident from happening again. Remember this is not the moment where you reprimand your spouse to make up for the pain that they caused you. Instead you and your spouse should spend this time searching for information that will be beneficial in helping you to prevent the hurtful episode that took place from happening again. Those days of lashing out your anger at your spouse should be over for you, or at least you should be praying and making attempts to dissolve yourself of this unproductive behavior.


Consider the following passages of scripture –

James 5:16 – Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (ESV)

Luke 17:3:4 – Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” (ESV)

Ephesians 4:32 – Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (ESV)

Proverbs 29:11 – A fool vents all of his anger, but a wise man brings himself under control. (WEB)