Changing How You Do Conflict

If we continue to do the same thing over and over again, we can be sure that we will get the same results, unless we do something different. 

We cannot and should not expect to magically change the outcome of unresolved conflict in our marriage with a process that has proven to be unsuccessful repeatedly.

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Consider the following scripture –

Romans 12:1-2 – “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

If you and your spouse are continuing to have the same conflict that never seems to get resolved, there is only one thing to do and that is change the way that you resolve the conflict.

I know that this is easier said than done, so know that you will have to make a decision to take the necessary steps to make this happen. Don’t forget, God has already given us the ability to do this; we just have to make the effort.

The second book of Peter chapter 1:3 confirms this – “According as His divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him that hath called us to glory and virtue.”

Before we get started, I must say that I do not want you to get the impression that I have mastered this process, because I haven’t. Practice is what makes you and I better and this cycle of practice should never end unless conflict should overtake us.

1. Start with recognizing that there is a problem. Until we recognize and admit there is a problem, we will never solve the conflict that tears at our marriage.

Romans 12:18 – “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”

Romans 14:19 – “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

2. Pray and ask God for the solution. When you and your spouse discover that you are unable to resolve your conflict, pray and be specific with your prayer. Don’t offer a generic prayer, but make it personal to the conflict that you are having.

1 Peter 5:7 – “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

3. Be willing to accept and follow the solution that God shows you. Remove pride and make an effort even if your spouse is not willing to do the same.

James 4:7 – “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Proverbs 11:2 – “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Galatians 6:9 – “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

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