I Want to See Jesus One Day, but Not Today

It is very interesting to me how God speaks to me very clearly when I am a passenger in the car with my husband.  I believe it’s because I am constantly praying to the Lord about the sharp turns and lane switches that he makes as we’re traveling!  I try my best not to say it to him, but it comes out anyway, “I want to see Jesus one day, but not today!”  This is my comment, when he makes, in my opinion, near misses of other vehicles, especially on the passenger side of the car.  Yes, most of the time I just have to close my eyes and meditate on the goodness of the Lord.  I usually put in a DVD or CD and listen to the message from the speaker.

The other day while on one of these “joy” rides, I had put in a DVD, entitled “God as He Longs For You to See Him.”  Well, while listening to the DVD, my husband brought up a previous discussion we had that he still had concerns about.  While he was talking, he became more and more passionate about the topic and he wanted my input.  To say things nicely, we were having a “disagreement” and our voices became “elevated.”  Well, while he was talking, I began to experience an extreme throbbing in my head and neck.  I also noticed that his words became muffled in my ears, almost muted.  Of course he noticed how I was reacting to what he was saying and he immediately was more offended.  In response he said I didn’t care about how he felt.

I can honestly say I didn’t understand or know what he was talking about.  It is true women and men speak different “languages.”  But the wonder is that God is the great interpreter.  So I went to my Father in prayer, sitting there at the light with my husband about the situation.  In that moment the Lord God revealed something to me that I truly didn’t know about myself.  The Lord showed me that whenever my husband’s voice gets elevated while he’s talking to me, I interpret is as that he does not love me. This causes my brain to go into what I call my “self-defense” mode.  When in this mode, I totally tune out anything that he has to say that I perceive as negative or threatening.  The Lord revealed that I learned this behavior as a child.  For example, whenever my mother was very critical of me or she would start fussing about something, I would start to turn her off.  This was the only way I could deal with her yelling and still love her. When she calmed down, then I would turn off my mode and “tune in” to her.  It is so interesting to me how we can carry so much baggage from our past into our current relationships.

I was taken by surprise by what God just revealed to me and I tried to explain that to my husband.  However, he did not seem to understand, although I noticed that he tried to change his tone of voice but it didn’t help.  I had to let him know I had to decompress all he had said to me.  In other words, I needed quiet to stop the ringing in my ears and the throbbing of my head.  We made it home and he didn’t bother me for about 30 minutes.  Then he came and said God had reminded him a few days ago about the scripture 1 Peter 3:1-7.

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” 1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

Well, he continued to tell me that he wrote this scripture on the inside of his vest that he is required to wear every day at work. He says this reminds him at work, of what God has said to do concerning me.  I immediately realized that God had been working with my husband about how he talks to me. How wonderful that God would gently remind my husband about how to treat me. I understand that “the weaker partner” is talking about the wife’s outward or physical strength.  My husband’s stronger voice (as compared to mine) is what triggers my mental blockage whenever we have our disagreements. Therefore, this has caused me to misinterpret the meaning of what he’s saying to me.

Reflective Understanding:

God showed me that I have mental blocks, or other impediments, which stop me from hearing/seeing Him as He really is.  God longs for each of His children to see Him with new eyes.

Praise be to the Lord for answered prayers!  Yes, I do want to see Jesus, and He revealed Himself through my husband that day.  Therefore, I commit to look to see Jesus show up in my life in wonderful ways everyday.

With all that being said, “Have you seen Jesus today?”  If not, how come?  His wonders are everywhere; He is always speaking to you.  What is causing you not to hear His voice?

Prayer:

Our Father who art in Heaven thank you for revealing yourself to us through each other.  Forgive us when we don’t see you in all situations.  Open our eyes that we may see you clearly.

Amen.