Why Dating While Separated is Dangerous and What God Says About It

21 Dec Why Dating While Separated is Dangerous and What God Says About It

Why Dating While Separated is Not the Answer

Separation in marriage can be an emotionally taxing and challenging season. During this time, some individuals may consider dating as a way to cope with loneliness, find companionship, or explore a potential future outside of their marriage. However, dating while separated is not only fraught with dangers, but it also contradicts biblical principles that uphold the sanctity of marriage. Let’s explore why dating during separation is problematic, what God’s Word says about it, and examine real-life examples to illustrate its impact.

The Dangers of Dating While Separated

1. Emotional Confusion and Turmoil  Dating while still legally married creates emotional entanglements that can further complicate an already fragile situation. You are still bound to your spouse in the eyes of God and often legally as well, making any new relationship a potential source of guilt, confusion, and mistrust. For example, consider a man who begins dating while separated. If he later reconciles with his wife, the emotional fallout from his dating relationship can create barriers to rebuilding trust. His wife may feel betrayed, and his actions may permanently damage their ability to move forward together.
2. Hindrance to Reconciliation Separation should ideally be a time for reflection, prayer, and efforts toward healing the marriage. Introducing a new romantic partner into the mix can quickly derail any chance of reconciliation. It sends a clear message to your spouse that you are emotionally unavailable and unwilling to work on the relationship.Imagine a couple who separated after a heated argument about finances. The wife begins dating someone she met at work, which not only alienates her husband but could also erode any desire he had to reconcile. Their separation, which could have been a temporary stepping stone toward healing, now could turns into a permanent divorce.
3. Damage to Your Testimony As Christians, we are called to live lives that honor God and serve as a testimony to others. Dating while separated can undermine your witness, both within your family and in your broader community. It can give others the impression that you do not take God’s design for marriage seriously, damaging your credibility as a follower of Christ.

What God Says About Marriage and Separation

The Bible speaks clearly about the sanctity of marriage and God’s desire for reconciliation over separation or divorce. Here are some key passages to consider:

1. Malachi 2:16 (ESV): “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”This verse underscores the seriousness of breaking the marriage covenant and warns against unfaithfulness, which dating while separated can signify.
2. Matthew 19:6 (ESV): “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”Marriage is a union created by God. Separation does not dissolve the covenant, and pursuing another relationship during this time undermines God’s intent for unity and faithfulness.
3. 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (ESV): “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”This passage directly addresses separation, urging spouses to remain unmarried and work toward reconciliation if possible.

The Importance of Checking with God Before Separating

Before deciding to separate, it is crucial to ensure that the reasons align with biblical principles and that the decision is made after seeking God’s guidance. Separation is a serious step that should not be taken lightly or used as a means to avoid addressing issues within the marriage.

Some biblically sound reasons for separation include:

1. Infidelity: Jesus addressed this in Matthew 19:9 (ESV): “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” However, separation after infidelity is not always the immediate option unless God directs you so, it has reached a point where it does not stop, and you have sought godly counseling prior to making such a decision.
2. Abuse or Endangerment: Separation may be necessary to ensure the safety and well-being of a spouse or children, as we are called to protect our bodies, which are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
3. Destructive Behaviors: Issues such as substance abuse, unchecked anger, or other behaviors that harm the family dynamic may warrant a time of separation for healing and intervention.

However, even in these circumstances, it is essential to prayerfully seek God’s guidance, involve spiritual leaders or counselors, and remain open to the possibility of reconciliation if it aligns with God’s will.

Practical Examples of the Consequences

1. Broken Families: A husband who begins dating while separated finds that his actions alienate his children, who see his behavior as a betrayal of their mother. The result is long-term strain on his relationship with his children, even if he later remarries.
2. Spiritual Distance: A woman who starts a new relationship during separation feels distant from God, as her actions are not in alignment with His Word. She struggles with guilt and shame, which prevent her from experiencing the fullness of God’s grace and forgiveness.
3. Community Judgment: A couple’s separation becomes public knowledge in their church. When the husband begins dating, it causes gossip and judgment within the congregation, damaging the church’s unity and the family’s reputation.

How to Navigate Separation Biblically

1. Seek God First: Use the time of separation to draw closer to God through prayer, fasting, and studying His Word. Ask for His guidance and wisdom in navigating this difficult season.
2. Pursue Reconciliation: If safe and appropriate, take steps to reconcile with your spouse. This may involve counseling, honest conversations, and a commitment to address the issues that led to the separation.
3. Lean on Godly Counsel: Surround yourself with mature, Christian mentors or counselors who can offer wisdom and accountability as you navigate your separation.
4. Stay Faithful: Remain committed to your marriage covenant, even during separation. Avoid entering new romantic relationships, as they can hinder your ability to reconcile and honor God.

Conclusion

Dating while separated is not only dangerous but also misaligned with God’s design for marriage. It creates emotional confusion, hinders reconciliation, and damages your testimony. Instead of seeking comfort in a new relationship, turn to God for healing and restoration. By honoring your marriage covenant, even in challenging times, you demonstrate faithfulness to God’s Word and open the door for His redemptive work in your relationship.

Ready to strengthen your marriage? Visit The Color of Marriage for resources, workshops, and personalized guidance to navigate marital conflict with faith and practical strategies. Let’s build a healthier, more connected relationship—together.

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